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reason why I'd like to be open with her now. I've never deceived her in her life.' 'What does she ... how did she react?' 'She was very young when she first asked, about five.' About five, Karen thought. The turning point, when I so nearly went back. Supposing I had ... But Drew was saying, 'She accepted it well, and she's grown up with it. Only lately -' Without wanting to, Karen asked, 'What?' 'She's been ... unhappy about it. Asking more questions about you, feeling like an odd one out with her friends.' 'Surely some of her friends must have one-parent families? It isn't uncommon.' 'No, but mostly the one parent is the mother. It's ... unusual for a woman to run out on her family.' Sensitive to any implied criticism, she said sharply, 'Men have been running out for decades! Why is it different when a woman does it?' 'Let's not get into that,' he said. 'I didn't say it's any different, just that it's not so common. I'm trying to be fair, and not to ... judge you.' He might be trying, she thought, but she could see the condemnation in his eyes. 'For girls,' he said, 'a mother is important at that age. She needs someone, Karen.' 'All right, I'm sure you know what she needs.' Mentally she braced herself. 'I suppose you have someone in mind?' She wouldn't have believed that this could hurt so much. For years she had assumed he had probably found someone else, but now that he was here, talking of it, she could scarcely stop herself from screaming at him. He was staring at her strangely, his brows drawn together. 'Yes,' he said slowly, 'I have someone in mind.' She turned away, biting her lip. 'Well, you don't need my permission.' 'Don't you care?' He grabbed at her arm suddenly, swinging, her round to face him. She could see the baffled anger in his eyes, the pupils contracted as he stared down at her startled face. Then he moved his other hand, and was gripping her, bringing her closer. His face had changed, subtly. His eyes darkened, the pupils growing suddenly larger. She looked away from them, but her gaze lit on his mouth, and even though it was closed in a bitter line, she felt a sudden throb of irrational longing. He said, 'Doesn't it mean anything to you, that I might be thinking of taking another woman as my wife ... and Holly's mother?' 'Stepmother!' she reminded him involuntarily, wrenching herself away. Then she said unevenly, 'It's nothing to do with me.' 'You selfish bitch!' he exploded. 'Holly's your daughters Supposing I saddle her with a stepmother she can't get along with? Someone who doesn't like her! That's nothing to do with you?' Karen was white, trembling and desperate to hide it. 'You wouldn't do that to her. I wouldn't have left her with you, if...' She looked at him helplessly, her fingers kneading her temples. She dropped her hand and said, 'I don't understand why you're telling me all this, what you're asking me to do.' Surely he didn't expect her to vet his choice of bride? 'Anyway,' she said huskily, 'I gave up any rights I have over Holly a long time ago.' 'I know you did,' he said, reining in his temper with some effort. He paused and said slowly, his eyes on her face, 'But I'm offering them back to you, Karen.' CHAPTER FIVE 'WHAT ... do you mean?' she asked through stiff lips, hope and dread a churning mix in her stomach. For a moment he didn't answer. She had a strange feeling that he had surprised himself. 'I believe the legal term is "access",' he said. 'I'm offering you the chance to see Holly regularly, to have her with you sometimes, to get to know her.' Her heart began a slow, painful thudding. Her voice muffled, she replied, 'That's ... very generous of you, Drew.' Harshly he said, 'I'm not doing it for you! This is for her. I told you, she needs someone ... she needs you.' Almost humbly she said, 'I... Would you trust me?' His eyes were narrowed and hard. 'There are conditions. You don't say yes unless you can swear you'll stick to the arrangement, that you won't go swanning off again when you get tired of having a daughter.' Karen felt her face go taut with hurt anger. She turned away to hide it, but he caught her arms again and wrenched her round to face him. 'I want your promise,' he said, 'and if you don't keep to it, if you ever let Holly down again, I swear I'll find you this time and break every damned bone in your beautiful body.' He looked as though he meant it, his eyes unyielding, his voice harsh and threatening. 'And if you don't say yes, I'll do what you wanted what you said you wanted and leave you alone. But this is your last chance. You'll never see me or Holly again. I'll make sure of it. There are plenty of jobs overseas available to me.' She stayed still and silent in his hold. His grip was painful, but not nearly as painful as what he was saying. Once she had made the choice, and thought the agony of it would kill her. It had taken years to overcome the crippling damage to her emotions. Now he was asking her to make that same cruel choice over again. She didn't think she had the strength. Drew said, watching her face, 'You do care for her, Karen. You've tried not to let me know it, but you've shown it a dozen times since we met again. Whatever it was that sent you away, it had nothing to do with Holly. Even after all this time, she isn't just another little girl to you, is she?' Swallowing, Karen shook her head. 'Whatever you are, whatever you've done in the past, I don't think you'd deliberately hurt her. And she has a right to know her own mother.' 'What about... if you marry again? Your ... wife might not be very keen on the idea.' He frowned at her impatiently. 'I'm not marrying again,' he said shortly. 'You jumped to conclusions.' 'Oh.' Disconcerted, she said haltingly, 'I thought you meant...' 'I know what you thought.' He released her suddenly. 'I don't want to marry anyone else, Karen. Once is enough.' She looked down at her hands, twisted in front of her. 'I know I must [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] |
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