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the only way you can do what you have to do to survive. Make yourself into someone else. When are you going to understand? I ve given you everything you need to be a magnificent predator, but your self-denial has turned it into something ugly. Shut up! the woman said, covering her ears. Gray took her wrists and pulled her hands away. You came to me because you d heard from your rich friends that I had a treatment for HF. And I operated on you because you were so desperate to live. And for years you ve done what you needed to do to survive. Quietly. Properly. But now, what s happened to you? Nothing s happened to me! Oh, yes it has. You ve become afraid of yourself. And worse than that: you ve become ashamed. You ve seen me! Have I been afraid of anything? What you did to that man behind the flour mill is the result of fear. You re trying to deny what you are. You ve made yourself into such a monster that you re no longer able to absorb the reality of what you ve done! You cut that man s penis off. Stop You cut it off gratuitously, for no reason other than to finally outrage the authorities of this city. It s the reason these policemen and that damned reporter are after us now. You want us caught. No! Yes, you do. Because your fear has twisted you. All you want now is to escape your essence. That s why I have to watch you. I have to make certain you won t go too far. That your personality won t become completely displaced! Like yours! the woman said bitterly. Not like mine. Long ago I acknowledged what I am. I embraced my impulses. I don t hide them from myself. I glory in them! I don t need to work myself into a state of hysteria that permits me to believe that I ve blacked out ! As you will no doubt do later tonight, so that tomorrow morning when you wake up you ll be convinced that this evening has been yet another of your fantastic dreams! Gray took her by the shoulders. Why can t you embrace it? Why don t you rejoice in what you really are? You have the disease, and yet you live. More than that, you thrive! That s extraordinary. You have the organs that permit you to survive and you must use them without any more shame or remorse than you would feel using your teeth or eyes or ears. That feeling of power inside you grows stronger all the time, doesn t it! That is what you are! Stop fighting it! Stop pretending! Suddenly Gray grabbed her hair and pulled. Francis saw a flash of yellow disappear into the brush along the bank of the creek. A wig, he thought distantly. What do you want? Gray said. I don t know Yes you do! Say it! I & I want more. Then pull the air lines away. Francis heard a click and a hissing sound. Now you can drink. His blood can t mingle with yours. Francis felt hands stroking his hair, and heard a distant voice. You know everything now, don t you? the voice said. You were right to wait and follow us. And you know me. Blink your eyes if you do. Francis blinked. He did. He knew who it was. The voice sounded very far away, though. He had been lying there bleeding from the neck all this time and everything was getting more and more fizzy. He began to think of his mother s currant coffee cake. | Go to Table of Contents | Chapter 24 Late that night a front came through and by Saturday morning there was a steady rain with the temperature dropping into the low sixties. Danny sat at the counter of the Pantry, drinking coffee with Bing Lockner. Ahead of them two colored fry cooks, dressed in white coats and red bow ties, fried eggs and a turkey steak for Bing. The Pantry was a good place, a few doors down from the Journal building on Fourth Street, one of the diners downtown that still could draw a crowd. But now it was after the breakfast rush and Bing and Danny were alone at the counter. Bing smoked quietly, pushing his cuticles down between puffs of his cigarette. He was terrifically hung over. The cook flipped the egg over in the pan, turned the steak, and made up the plate, pushing it down the counter to Bing. Turkey, Bing said with a sigh. God, what I wouldn t give for a real steak. Just a whiff of big, juicy [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] |
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